Grampy

It’s never easy to lose someone you love. It’s even harder when their last moments are not what you’d ever wish on your worst enemy.

My grandpa, “Grampy”, is not the kind of soft and fuzzy grandpa that some people have. He is ornery. He is no-nonsense. He is an amazing craftsman. He tells you exactly what he was thinking. I love him. 🙂

I’m not sure orneryness is hereditary, but my entire family is living proof that it is! Some of us inherited a little more than others, but there is no denying who our patriarch is. Edgar. He can frustrate the hell out of you one moment and the next have you laughing your butt off.

Sometimes it’s hard to deeply love someone like this. He is deeply critical when it comes to anything involving woodworking! The job needs to be done right. But beneath this tough outer shell is that soft and fuzzy grandpa. You just have to look.

180536_1713925121890_472454_n

My favorite memories of him are simple ones. Like when I’d call the house to talk to grandma. You knew that he was on the other line listening in.

Or when my mom forgot to put summer sausage tidbits on his pizza. “Stupid, stupid, stupid.”

Or most recently when I saw a very vulnerable Grampy making faces and making my daughter smile and laugh. He was silly and it melted my heart.

IMG_3752

IMG_3741

These two photos were taken on what I’d probably call his Last Best Day. No one ever anticipated what would come after this. Grampy developed MRSA in his recently amputated leg and the bacteria violently took over and is in his bloodstream.

But these last few days do not define him nor will I let those memories overshadow what a wonderful life he has led.

I’m definitely not one to tell his story, but I’ll give you a little glimpse into his life.

He loved my grandma. A lot. They were the cutest.

29926_607915006809_3590832_n

10250181_10203508701612108_3842687406409090759_n

Grampy never went to war like his brothers did, but stayed behind and took care of the family farm. He raised four awesome kids and his whole life he worked hard and led a simple life.

149246_10200211853312961_686583414_n

I love the fact that Grampy would always tell it like it is. He never beat around the bush. If there was too much liquid in his green tomato relish … he’d let you know. If you were making a headboard without proper craftsman plans … he’d let you know. If you were in charge of cranking out the summer sausage and were going too fast … he’d let you know.

He always did a job correctly and immaculately. He made the kitchen cabinets in his house, he made the wooden stairs in my parent’s house, he made shadow boxes and beds. I know that scents have powerful memories and the smell of his wood shop is one I wish I could bottle up.

 

29926_607915026769_6966584_n

 

If there is one word to describe Grampy (after ornery!) I’d say strong. He is one tough guy! He’s been through the ringer with losing fingers, quadruple bypass surgery, diabetes, having a leg amputated, you name it. He’s always come out on top.

I think that’s why I’m so mad about this MRSA infection. I feel like he’s been cheated. He was doing so well and his recovery seemed to be on the right track 1.5 weeks ago. I’m angry that he won’t be able to pass peacefully with summer sausage in one hand with a glass of cherry juice in the other while watching a Cardinal’s baseball game.

I know that anger isn’t a good look and doesn’t help the situation, but I feel like I need to be angry for him. I wish I could shoulder some of the burden that’s on my mom. I wish I could hunt down whatever/whoever gave him this infection. I wish, I wish, I wish … but I can’t.

316260_751574961109_1034032258_n

I love my grandpa. I’m so happy that I am one of his grandchildren. I’m thankful that he is the unique person that he is and has never deviated from it. I love that he is tough and soft. I love that he is crabby and silly. I love that he is critical because he cares.

There is still a big part of me that hopes he will miraculously recover from this infection, but deep down I know that’s not the case. Death is not fun. Death sucks. I know it’s inevitable for all of us, but honestly I just want Grampy to go out on his terms. And maybe I’m being selfish. To want him to stay in this life, in pain, is selfish.

However, I know this life has worn him out. Ultimately I know he just wants to be reunited with my Grandma. I love to picture the two of them on a warm summer day sitting in their house. Grandma peacefully asleep in her recliner and grandpa sitting in his spot on the couch cracking pecans. Not a hospital bed or an IV in sight.

This is how I will choose to remember him.

If I can ask one thing, I ask that you pray. We all covet your prayers that he passes peacefully and not in pain. I pray that my mom and her siblings feel God’s love and comfort during this time. I ultimately pray that Grampy knows how much we love him.

08-IMG_1081

Update: About 30 minutes after this tribute posted, I received word that Grampy had passed and was with my grandma and Jesus.

Thank you to everyone for your kind words of sympathy and support. We will be holding a memorial service in his honor followed by our annual butchering get-together. There could not be a better way to remember and celebrate a man that meant so much to all of us. On that note, I’ll leave you with one of his jokes: 

OCDEDBD snakes.
MR not snakes.
OSAR, CDEDBD I’s
LIB MR snakes.

Now picture him with a silly smirk on your face when you can’t figure it out … and then you do. 🙂

Advertisements

15 thoughts on “Grampy

  1. Thank you Allie. You did a wonderful encompassing our Grampy. Brought tears to my eyes. Definately praying and remembering along with you!

  2. Allie, you will all be in my prayers, especially Edgar. What a great tribute to him. I always enjoyed our conversations.

  3. Grampy would be so proud of your words of love and the description of his life and who he was. Your life is his legacy. Our love and sympathy goes to your family at this time.

  4. Your words are perfectly spoken…thank you for writing them down and sharing! What a great tribute to our Grandpa/”Grampy”.

  5. Grandpa & I enjoyed our chats with Edgar & Irene when they would stop by, we would talk about the era that we remembered growing up. We would talk about all the butchering, canning, I will always cherish the green tomato relish recipe that your Grandma shared with me. Edgar supplied us with lots of squirrels, when he no longer had the strength to skin them. He gave grandpa his home made squirrel skinning board. We will always cherish the friendship we had with them. May you be comforted to know that they are both using their voices in singing Gods praises.

  6. Well Done, Allie. Sorry for the loss of Edgar. Paul and I enjoyed him and have many FOND memories of him. When we were building our house, Paul would come home from work and take a fast nap on the couch and then Edgar would be over to start helping Paul do some finishing work on the house. One eve. Paul did not wake up when Edgar came over. Edgar got a wood stick about a foot long, cut out a star from styrofoam and stuck it on the end of the stick and stood in front of the sleeping Paul. “THE FAIRY GODFATHER WAS BACK TO HELP PAUL WITH MAGIC IN FINISHING THE HOUSE” It is the cutest picture and I look at it often. God BLESS you, Scott, Quinn, and family. Love to all of you.

    • I love this story! The Holtgrewe quick whit is one of the things I cherish most about the whole family! How Grandma Dehle and Grandpa Edward handled NINE of those clever little gremlins, I’ll never comprehend! I’ve loved them all with all my heart and hate to see each one slip away. Praise God, Heaven and a grand reunion awaits us all!

  7. Wonderful that you took the time to write such a heartfelt tribute, Allie. I was certainly moved. I haven’t gotten many chances to visit all Diana’s Holtgrewe cousins, aunts and uncles. But I’ve always enjoyed it, and if Edgar was around I’d always make it a point to get around him and see what he would come up with this time… 😉

  8. Thanks so much Allie! You “nailed” Edgar!!! We all loved him and depended on him! He was not only my brother but he “stepped in” to be a Father figure for me when I needed one and continued to be! My memories of growing up with him along with growing “older” with him will always be with me! Uncle Victor

  9. What a beautiful tribute to a amazing person.
    The first time I met Edgar (he was sitting on Sherry’s couch) and I sat beside him and I knew the name of the John Wayne movie (Cowboys) he was watching and that surprised him and he told me in his ornery way of his…just love that memory of Edgar! What a great guy!

    Dawn Bruhl

  10. Allie, that was a wonderful tribute to your Grandpa, I know you will all miss him very much. He was a wonderful, good hearted, kind person and those traits were passed down to everyone in his family. Find comfort and joy in spending time with your family they are a great bunch your Grandpa would have wanted that! Our thoughts and prayers are with you all. Tom & Martha

  11. Edgar was very special to our family. Besides Grandma, we spent most of our time with him and Irene. When my parents divorced, Edgar continued to treat my mother as family. This alone means more than most will ever know. Edgar reminded me so much of my own father, Richard. Talented, ornery, direct and funny.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s